As a mental performance coach who works with youth players and athletes of all levels, I see it all the time: a young athlete makes a mistake, and it’s like their mind leaves the game. Their body language drops, they stop hustling, and they start spiraling with negative self-talk.

The root of this? They’re no longer in the moment.

Why the Moment Matters

When an athlete isn’t mentally present, when they’re thinking about the mistake they just made or worrying about the next play, anxiety creeps in. I’ve coached athletes who, after a single turnover, go into full shutdown. Why? Because in their head, they’re not just playing anymore, they’re judging, replaying, and fearing failure.

I’ve seen it in point guards who turn the ball over and immediately tell themselves, “I suck.” Then they don’t get back on defense. They tighten up. They disappear. What happened wasn’t the turnover, it was the internal dialogue that followed.

This is a growing issue, and it's not just happening on the court. Pressure from school, social media, and unrealistic expectations are creating a perfectionism trap for kids. They're taught to be great at everything and when they aren’t, it feels like failure.

The Problem with Constant Praise

A lot of parents, with the best intentions, respond to their child’s struggles with:

“No, you're great!”
“You're amazing, don’t worry about it!”

But here’s the thing, that doesn’t always help.

Telling a struggling athlete that everything’s fine when they know it’s not only makes them feel more isolated. It creates pressure to live up to that praise and often leads them to keep their real feelings inside.

Instead, try this:

“It seems like you’re struggling. Want to talk about it?”

That one simple line opens a door. And sometimes, your athlete will say “no.” That’s okay. Give them space. When they’re ready, they’ll come to you, but only if they know you’re a safe space to land, not someone trying to immediately fix them.

Help Them Name It, Then Reframe It

When I work with athletes who say, “I suck,” I don’t dismiss it. I ask them,

“What does that mean to you?”
“What would it look like if you didn’t suck?”

It’s amazing how often they’ve never been asked that. They’ll usually describe a ‘perfect’ game or unrealistic standard they saw online or created in their own head. That’s where we start the work of reframing.

We talk about what they can control:

• Their effort

• Their attitude

• Their presence

• Their bounce-back

The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is staying in the moment. That’s where growth lives. That’s where confidence is built.

What Parents Can Do

If you’re a parent reading this and your child is dealing with performance anxiety or perfectionism, here are a few ways to support them:

• Let them feel uncomfortable. Don’t rush to fix or praise. Let them struggle and sit with it, that’s how resilience is built.

• Don’t over-expect. High expectations communicated too often (even subtly) can sound like pressure.

• Be curious, not corrective. Ask how they’re feeling, not what they could’ve done better.

• Help them reset. When they’re ready, help them remember who they are and what they can control.

• Remind them that mistakes are part of greatness. Bad games happen. It’s part of the process.

Closing Thoughts from Coach Dave

The most elite athletes I’ve coached and studied all have one thing in common: they learn how to stay in the moment, especially after things go wrong. They don’t let one mistake define them. They move forward, quickly and with intention.

And that’s the kind of mindset we can help young athletes develop, not by removing the pressure, but by equipping them with the tools to handle it.

Until then, keep leading with love, patience, and presence and let your athlete grow at their pace, not perfection’s.

– Coach Dave

P.S. If you want to work with us in any capacity, there are 3 ways we can help you:

1 - TOGETHER with Coach Dave. www.coachdave.me
2 - ON YOUR OWN Through our online programs and membership options.
3 - FOR FREE on YouTube and our social media platforms