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When Emotions Feel Too Big: 4 Ways to Regain Control

By Coach Dave

We’ve all felt it, that moment when emotions take over.
As athletes, we learn to use quick tools like breathwork or a reset routine to calm our minds in competition. But sometimes, those emotions feel bigger than the tools we have.

Think about the night before a big game or race. You lie in bed replaying every possible mistake, heart racing, mind spinning. You tell yourself to relax… but the more you try, the harder it gets.

So, what do you do when your emotions start to run the show?

When I work with athletes in this exact spot, I teach a 4-step method that helps calm the storm. The goal isn’t to shut down emotions, it’s to reshape their power and duration. You’ll still feel nerves (and that’s okay), but they won’t control you.

Here’s how to take back control of your mind and your performance.

Step 1: Name It to Tame It

The first step in managing emotions is to name what you’re feeling.

Labeling emotions helps create distance between you and the feeling itself. Instead of saying, “I’m anxious,” try:


👉 “I’m experiencing anxiety right now.”

That small change matters. It reminds you that this feeling is temporary, something you’re experiencing, not something you are.

Step 2: Be a Scientist

When emotions feel intense, step back and get curious.
Ask yourself: Why am I feeling this way?

Even uncomfortable emotions like anxiety serve a purpose. They’re signals. Anxiety often means you care deeply about what’s ahead, it’s your brain’s way of saying, “Pay attention, this matters.”

When you look at emotions through the lens of a scientist rather than a critic, you replace judgment with understanding. You realize feeling nervous before a big competition isn’t weakness, it’s normal. It’s a sign that what you’re doing matters.

Step 3: Time Travel Your Mind

Perspective is powerful. When emotions start to take over, mentally time-travel.

Look back: Have I felt this before? Have I overcome similar moments? Chances are, you’ve survived every tough moment you’ve ever faced. Remember that.

Look ahead: How will I see this a week, a month, or a year from now? Most of the time, the thing that feels huge now won’t even register later.

I recently worked with an athlete recovering from an injury. When I asked her, “How will this feel a year from now?” she said, “I’ll be proud of how hard I worked to come back stronger.”


That’s perspective. That’s growth.

Step 4: Create Space with Self-Talk

Now it’s time to talk yourself through it, literally.

Use third-person self-talk.
Instead of saying, “I’m so nervous,” say, “You’ve got this, [your name]. You’ve prepared for this. You’ve done the work.”
We see things more clearly when we talk to ourselves like we would talk to a friend.

Want to take it further? Write it down.
Journaling forces you to slow down and organize your thoughts. You can even combine both techniques: write in third person.

Example:

“Dave, you’ve put in the work. You’ve been here before. You’re ready for whatever comes your way.”

That’s how you create space between emotion and reaction — and where confidence starts to grow again.

Quick Recap

Here’s your playbook for the next time emotions try to take control:

1️⃣ Name It: Label the emotion to gain distance.
2️⃣ Be Curious: Look for the purpose behind what you’re feeling instead of judging it.
3️⃣ Time Travel: Step into your past and future selves for perspective.
4️⃣ Talk It Out: Use third-person self-talk or journaling to create clarity and calm.

Strong emotions don’t mean you’re weak, they mean you care.
When you learn how to manage them instead of fight them, you give yourself the power to perform freely and confidently.

Stay Resilent,

Coach Dave

If you find your athlete struggling with confidence or some of the issues above, schedule a call today for some solutions and help!