The True Nature of Confidence: Where It Comes from and How Youth Can Build It

As many of you know, self-belief and confidence are incredibly important to me and probably my number one priority when dealing with the youth. Having gone through incredible adversity personally as an adult, I wish I would have had some tools in place that I would have learned a long time ago in my youth, that would have helped me sustain, rely on and rebuild my confidence when it was shattered.

I recently was faced with some adversity when it came to this very topic. I let worry, fear and unfounded concerns get in the way of my confidence in something that I do in my life. I began to question my confidence in the position I am in, due to one individuals’ actions and opinion. It didn’t take long for me to take a deep breath, go back to what is important about confidence and belief in myself and move quickly past it. Always remembering that NO SINGLE PERSON shall negatively affect our self-confidence, a lesson we all should live by!

Confidence. It's the key to success in sports, school, friendships, and every aspect of life for young people. But where does it truly come from, and how can youth and teens build a solid foundation of confidence that carries them through challenges and triumphs alike? Let’s break it down in a way that’s easy to understand and actionable, whether you’re an athlete or just looking to feel more secure in your daily life.

The Myth of Confidence 

One common misconception about confidence is that it comes naturally—that some people are just "born with it." This myth creates unnecessary pressure, especially for teens who might feel like they're missing something everyone else seems to have. The truth is confidence is not something you’re born with; it’s something you build.

Real confidence isn’t about always feeling great or being perfect. It’s about trusting yourself even when things don’t go as planned. It's the belief that you can figure things out, adapt, and keep moving forward.

The Foundation of Confidence: Action Over Outcome 

True confidence is built through action. It’s not about the outcome of those actions (winning a game, acing a test, or impressing others) but about the process. When young people focus on what they can control—like effort, preparation, and mindset—they develop confidence that isn’t shaken by setbacks.

For example:

- A basketball player gains confidence not by sinking every shot but by consistently practicing and improving their form.

- A student becomes confident in math not because they know every answer but because they’ve practiced problem-solving and know how to tackle challenges step by step.

Proven Methods to Build Confidence in Youth 

1. Set Small, Achievable Goals 

Breaking big goals into smaller, manageable steps helps youth experience frequent wins. Each small success builds momentum and reinforces the belief that they’re capable. For example, instead of saying, "I want to make the varsity team," focus on "I will practice dribbling for 20 minutes every day."

2. Embrace Mistakes as Learning Opportunities 

Mistakes are not failures—they’re feedback. Teach teens to see setbacks as part of the growth process. When they learn from mistakes, they grow stronger and more confident. Celebrate the effort, not just the result.

3. Develop Positive Self-Talk 

What young people say to themselves has a powerful impact on their confidence. Encourage them to replace negative thoughts like "I’m terrible at this" with constructive ones like "I’m learning and improving."

4. Build Skills Through Repetition 

Confidence comes from competence. The more they practice, the more comfortable and capable they’ll feel. Whether it’s shooting free throws, studying for exams, or public speaking, consistent effort is the foundation of confidence.

5. Create a Supportive Environment 

Surrounding teens with positive influences—coaches, parents, teachers, and friends—plays a big role in their confidence. Words of encouragement and constructive feedback help them believe in themselves and their abilities.

The Role of Confidence in Daily Life 

Confidence isn’t just for the court, field, or stage. It plays a critical role in how young people navigate everyday life. Here are a few examples:

- Social Interactions: Confidence helps teens build friendships, speak up in group settings, and resist peer pressure.

- Academics: Confident students are more likely to ask questions, seek help, and persevere through challenging assignments.

- Mental Health: Confidence reduces anxiety and builds resilience, allowing teens to face difficulties with a sense of control.

How Parents and Mentors Can Help 

Parents, coaches, and mentors play a pivotal role in nurturing confidence in young people. Here’s how you can help:

- Model Confidence: Show teens how you approach challenges with determination and a growth mindset.

- Provide Constructive Feedback: Focus on their effort and progress rather than criticizing results.

- Celebrate Growth: Acknowledge improvements, no matter how small, and remind them of their potential.

Key Takeaway: Confidence Is a Skill, not a Trait 

Confidence is not something youth and teens simply “have” or “don’t have.” It’s a skill they develop over time through action, practice, and self-reflection. By focusing on the process, embracing mistakes, and celebrating growth, they can unlock a level of confidence that will serve them in sports, school, and life.

Let’s empower young people to trust themselves and their abilities, one step at a time.

Get Your Free Download on Unlocking Confidence: A Guide for Young Athletes!

Stay resilient,

Coach Dave

www.coachdave.me

P.S. If you want to work with us in any capacity, there are 3 ways we can help you:

1 - TOGETHER with Coach Dave. www.coachdave.me
2 - ON YOUR OWN with our monthly membership platforms. www.coachdave.me
3 - FOR FREE on YouTube and our social media platforms.

If you have a teen or youth that is not necessarily in athletics and looking to gain more confidence, get more organized and lead a life to their full potential take a look at some coaching options we have for them.