- Flow State Basketball
- Posts
- How To Properly Praise Yourself and Your Kids
How to Properly Praise Yourself and Your Kids
How to Properly Praise Yourself and Your Kids
Today, let’s dive into a critical topic: praise and recognition. While many people think of praise as simply boosting self-esteem, it’s much more than that. The way we praise ourselves, our kids, and even our teams can either build resilience or foster a fear of failure. This isn’t just about motivating kids; it’s about shaping mindsets that last a lifetime.
Why Praise Matters:
Praise is powerful—it reinforces behaviors and mindsets, shaping how people see their abilities and approach challenges. This can significantly impact their future success and resilience. When you praise someone, you’re essentially giving them a framework for how they view themselves and their potential. This is why it’s crucial to understand that how we give praise can have lasting effects.
What the Research Shows:
Carol Dweck, the author of Mindset, conducted groundbreaking research on this topic. In one study involving over 400 fifth-graders, students were praised either for their intelligence ("You must be smart at this") or for their effort ("You must have worked really hard"). The results were eye-opening: 92% of the students praised for effort chose a challenging task over an easier one, while only 67% of those praised for their intelligence did the same.
Dr. Roy Baumeister, a social psychologist, also explored the impact of praise in a meta-analysis of over 200 studies on self-esteem and performance. He found that praise, especially when aimed at boosting self-esteem, can sometimes backfire, leading to lower academic achievement and a heightened fear of failure.
Lessons for Parents:
It’s clear that the way we give praise has a profound impact on our children’s development. Praising effort rather than innate ability fosters a growth mindset, which encourages perseverance and resilience. On the other hand, praising natural talent can lead to a fixed mindset, where children become more concerned with protecting their “gifted” identity than with working hard and improving.
Actionable Steps for Effective Praise:
1. Praise Effort Over Ability:
When you focus on praising effort, you emphasize the importance of hard work and perseverance. This encourages continuous improvement and resilience in the face of challenges, rather than reinforcing the idea that talent is fixed.
2. Be Specific in Your Praise:
Specific praise helps children understand exactly what they did well, making it easier for them to replicate those actions in the future. For example, instead of saying, "Great job," say, "Great job staying low and keeping control of the ball while dribbling past your defender."
3. Encourage Risk-Taking:
Emphasize that mistakes are a natural part of growth and that taking risks is essential for development. This helps children understand that learning comes from trying new things and that it’s okay to not be perfect.
4. Emphasize the Details and the Process:
Focusing on the specific steps and techniques that lead to success teaches children to value the process. This reinforces the idea that success is built on consistent attention to detail, rather than just the outcome.
5. Provide Support Regardless of Outcome:
Offer encouragement and support no matter the result. This shows your child that your support is unconditional and helps them stay motivated even after setbacks. For instance, say, "I’m proud of the effort you put in today. Let’s focus on what we can learn from this game to keep improving."
Examples for Parents:
- Coach:
- Praise Effort Over Ability: "I’m really impressed with how hard you worked on your dribbling today."
- Be Specific in Your Praise: "Great job on staying low and keeping control of the ball while dribbling past your defender."
- Encourage Risk-Taking: "I love that you took that shot. Keep taking those open shots; they’ll start to fall."
- Emphasize the Details and Process: "You did a great job of following through on your jump shot and staying focused on your defensive stance throughout the game."
- Provide Support Regardless of Outcome: "I’m proud of the effort you put in today. Let’s focus on what we can learn from this game to keep improving."
- Teacher:
- Praise Effort Over Ability: "I’m really impressed with how hard you worked on the multiplication tables today."
- Be Specific in Your Praise: "Great job on thinking through the details and framing the problem on the page."
- Encourage Risk-Taking: "I love that you attempted that challenging problem. Keep trying these tough ones; they’ll get easier."
- Emphasize the Details and Process: "You did a great job of breaking down the problem step by step and checking your work along the way."
- Provide Support Regardless of Outcome: "I’m proud of how hard you worked on that test. Let’s review what you can learn from the mistakes to improve next time."
By understanding the power of praise and applying it effectively, you can help your child develop resilience, a growth mindset, and the ability to tackle challenges with confidence. The right kind of praise doesn’t just make them feel good—it empowers them to become better, stronger, and more successful in all aspects of life.
Stay resilient,
Coach Dave
Founder