From Emotional Chaos to Emotional Control

“I was hurting my team more than helping it.”

That’s how a high school athlete I worked with — a varsity football player — described himself when we first sat down.

He wasn’t a bad kid.
He wasn’t lazy.
And he definitely wasn’t untalented.

But he was emotional. And his emotions were showing up in all the wrong ways.

Late hits after the whistle.
Arguments with officials.
Slamming his helmet on the sideline.

He was playing hard — but not playing smart.

And while his frustration showed up most clearly on Friday nights, it didn’t stop there. It followed him into the locker room, into school, into his relationships at home.

He knew it wasn’t who he wanted to be.

But he didn’t know how to stop it.

That’s where our work began.

The Real Problem Wasn’t Effort — It Was Identity

Before we ever talked about mindset, confidence, or performance, one thing was clear:

This athlete’s identity was tied completely to outcomes.

If he made a big play, he felt great.
If he messed up, everything spiraled.

Every snap felt like a judgment.
Every mistake felt personal.

And when things didn’t go his way, anger filled the gap.

That anger showed up as:

• Costly penalties

• Missed assignments

• Negative body language

• Emotional swings that took him out of the game

At one point, he said something that stuck with me:

That awareness mattered. Because real change always starts there.

Phase 1: Letting Go of What You Can’t Control

The first thing we worked on wasn’t calming down, it was detaching from outcomes.

He believed effort should guarantee results.
Sports doesn’t work that way.

Bad calls happen.
Plays break down.
Teammates miss assignments.

When he tried to control everything, frustration took over.

Once he learned to focus on:

• His alignment

• His assignment

• His effort on this play

Something shifted.

He stopped fighting the game.
He started playing it.

And when the obsession with results faded, his instincts came back.

Phase 2: Emotional Stability Under Pressure

Mental training was new to him. Honestly, he wasn’t sure what to expect.

But it didn’t feel like lectures or therapy.

It felt like conversation.

We talked through:

• What triggered his emotions

• How to recognize the warning signs early

• How to reset between plays

• How to respond instead of reacting

No judgment.
No labels.
Just honest reflection and practical tools.

He learned that emotional awareness doesn’t make you soft, it makes you steady.

Mistakes still happened.
But they stopped controlling him.

He didn’t carry one bad play into the next five.

That alone changed everything.

Phase 3: Growth, Trust, and Leadership

As the season went on, coaches noticed something different.

Fewer penalties.
Better body language.
More consistency.

His teammates trusted him more.
His coaches trusted him more.

And without trying to “be a leader,” he became one.

Not because he talked more, but because he handled adversity better.

That mental stability didn’t just help him on the field. It helped him off it too.

School improved.
Relationships improved.
Confidence became steady instead of emotional.

What This Really Teaches Us

Athletes don’t usually struggle because they don’t care enough.

They struggle because they care too much about the wrong things.

They go outside-in:
Letting stats, calls, and outcomes dictate how they feel.

The athletes who grow go inside-out:
They regulate emotions first, then let performance follow.

That’s the Mindset First approach.

When athletes learn to manage their emotions instead of being controlled by them, they don’t just play better, they become better teammates, better leaders, and more confident people.

A Note for Parents

If your athlete gets emotional, frustrated, or hard on themselves, it’s not a character flaw.

It’s often a sign they don’t yet have the tools.

The goal isn’t to eliminate emotion.
The goal is to channel it.

And when that happens, everything changes.

Final Thought

Athletes don’t lose their path because they lack talent.
They lose it when emotions run the show.

But when they learn to play from clarity instead of chaos, the trajectory of their career and their confidence, can change fast.

That’s the power of mental training.

Stay Focused!

Coach Dave

Founder

Mental Performance Coach

www.coachdave.me